Sunday, 10 September 2017


Trust, the reliance on something or someone, is needed throughout our lives. We need trust to function. We need trust to be able to form relationships, to get in our cars or commute to work every morning, to eat food at restuarants. We need trust in order to be able to function. People give and take trust in varyng degrees; some are overly trustworthy. They trust everything and everyone, no matter how many times people take advantage of them. Then there are those who struggle to trust. They struggle to trust for a variety of reason, maybe they've been let down before, maybe they just don't want to get hurt. Because that's how it feels when people break your trust, it hurts. You build up your hopes in something or someone to have them broken. Trust makes you vulnerable, and no one likes to feel vulnerable.
I've been thinking about trust a lot recently. I'm the kind of person who trusts easily, who wants to believe the best in people, the best in everything and everyone. I want the people around me to have faith in me, to trust me no matter what. I like to think that they do. I know that those closest to me do: my parents, my sister, my boyfriend. They may acknowledge that sometimes I do stupid things, that I may test the boundaries of their trust, but I know deep down that they trust me. Trust is something that you build up over time, something that you earn, and over the years I've built up this trust, through actions, deeds and through honesty.

Recently I have found my trustworthiness quiestioned, questioned both by someone who knows me really well, and someone who has never even met me, and I'm not quite sure how to get them to trust me, to have faith in me. How do you make someone trust you if they aren't willing to? Is it worth the attempts to try and build that trust up if they won't let you in? Part of me wants to keep trying, but part of me is starting to realise that not everyone is like me. Not everyone is willing to trust, to allow themselves to be vulnerable, and there's nothing wrong with that. They are just different to myself, and perhaps I am only hurting myself to try and make them see differently.

Trust allows us to live more freely, to see more and experience more. Trusting the things and the people around us allows us to live a little lighter, to create connections and to understand. But there is also a danger in trust, and everyone has their limits, and it is wrong of me to push against those limits. One of my major faults is my inability to let things go, and my belief that if I keep trying I can make a positive change. As I've grown older I have started to realise that sometimes that's just not possible, and maybe, just maybe this is one of those occasions.

Shoes: Asos, Dress: Zara (old), Tights: Primark, Bag: Skinny Dip  (similar)


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