Monday, 5 January 2015

Dealing with Emotions





Learning to cope with my emotions is something that I have always struggled with. Since I was little I have always taken things too personally, been hurt and felt guilty about things that were totally unecessary. I thought as I grew up I would learn to deal with these emotions better, especially after having gone through CBT therapy to help me deal with clinical depression.

But recently I have found myself unable to deal with the most common of emotions, hurt, anger and sadness. If I begin to feel angry, I will always turn it back onto myself, until tears of frustration are running down my cheeks and I have kicked or thrown something. If I begin to feel hurt by something or someone, I will turn that hurt into anger, anger at myself for being so stupid, getting my hopes up when it only hurts me. I will then vow never to hope or be optimistic, and do the opposite of anything that could potentially hurt me. All the while I am just hurting myself more. This makes it particularly hard for me to make friends and start relationships.

Getting to know someone, starting a relationship with someone whilst you are battling with clinical depression and anxiety is never easy. No matter how many times I do it, there is always that fear that they will leave, that being overly sad, or unable to go out with their friends will push them further away.

I worry that by being miserable or angry I will make them think that I don't care for them. I feel as if my whole body  screams 'I'm Sorry' whenever I am with them. I feel so guilty for being sad or angry, for having to stay in rather than go out, and for crying, a lot.

I know that being in a happy relationship is about accepting every part of each other, but when you are just starting out you just want things to be fun. And I can't do that, I've tried. So what should I do? Should I tell him my worries, how I really feel? I am still going to the doctors, and getting various forms of help, so I know that eventually I will get things back under control again, but I feel like this is something that I can't just ride out.

I would love any advice on this, whether you have been in similar situations or just have some great advice please write about it in the comments below!!
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10 comments

  1. Never forget that your friends will always be there for you no matter what. They are always happy to listen and try to help xx

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    1. That's such a good point, with being at Uni I sometimes still forget they are still willing to help H xx

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  2. I totally understand where you're coming from and have been in a similar situation as you. I think you're so brave speaking out about it and should continue to do so. I think people underestimate the power of talking about how you feel, don't bottle it up, keep talking and as you said yourself, you are getting various forms of help and things will get better. I hope you're okay. Abi x ps I LOVE your blog! x

    ramblingsofablonde.co.uk

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    1. Thank you Abigail, and hopefully getting hepl and talking about thing will makes things better. I am ok thank you, and I hope you are likewise H xx

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  3. Wonderful post.
    Lovely greets and happy new year 2015...

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    1. Thank you Nessa, and Happy New Year to you too! H xx

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  4. Such a lovely post, and so relatable. Just wish I could add something productive...but you're defiantly not alone in feeling this way!

    Annabel ♥
    Mascara & Maltesers

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    1. Thank you Annabel. I find it so incredible how opening up about something via blogging really makes you realise you are not alone H x

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  5. lovely post :)

    http://allornothing-blog.blogspot.co.uk/

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