Monday, 15 December 2014

Being Alone

There will most likely come a point in everyones lives where they have to make a decision. A decision that requires trust in yourself, bravery, and a good deal of thought, and that decision is the decision to be alone. Choosing to be alone when you are in a steady, and relatively happy relationship seems like a somewhat foolish and selfish thing to do, but that is not always the case.

There comes a point when everyone has to step back, step outside themselves and ask some tough questions. Who are you? Are you who you want to? Is the person you are with helping you to become the person you need to be? Once you step back from a relationship, from the warmth and safety that that relationship has provided for you, all these questions come crashing down.

For me this is exactly how it happened. Don't get me wrong, we fought like every couple, and it was particularly hard as we were in a long distance relationship. But moving to a new city, a new home, and starting a new chapter of my life really began to make me question who I was, and who I wanted to be, and when it came down to it, I didn't have an answer. I didn't know.

Then came the weeks of guilt, of worry and not eating as my own doubts knawed at me day in day out. I didn't want to step out of my little cocoon of comfort, my relationship, and nor did I want to hurt the one person I loved, and who loved me in return. But it was becoming unhealthy, and my doubts about myself were beginning to show, both physically and on the scale. I knew what I had to do, I had to rip the band aid off, take the plunge into the unknown, and it is the most selfish decision I have ever made.

I never thought that the person I loved, and had just hurt would understand, would want me to take some time to myself and figure out my next move. Not only that, but he supported it. That support made me realise that this was the rigth decision, for me, for my health, and my life. And although I have been happier, and I miss my old relationship, especially around the festive season, I know that this is the right move for me, in the long run.


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